i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize