Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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