My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
