i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I look better un-naked...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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