I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
