Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Buhtt sex?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
