if you like me you must not know who I am
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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