he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
