so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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