so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize