He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
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I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
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In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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