You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
