when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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