So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
