Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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