How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
