is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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