If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
