All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
