Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
