Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
