I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
