Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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