I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I understand Curling. That high.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
