He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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