I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
