My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
