wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
