you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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