Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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