my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize