The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
