The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize