I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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