first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
