Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
