I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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