I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
