She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
