He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
