She went from zero to smokin in five shots
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize