I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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