Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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