my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
