Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
