That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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