That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
