He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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