You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
