Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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