I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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