I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
