You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.