woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
