shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You took a bar mat shot.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
