So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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