I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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