they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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